“SECURITY AT STAKE”

In the Berlin- wall days, to cross the wall either way, was perilous. While entering the Eastern side from the Western one, the checking was rigorous.
There used to be a young chap bicycling everyday from West to East. Always peddling feverishly, he would cross the border daily. The East- German guards would frisk him, routinely, and let him go, as they would find nothing on his person.
One day the Chief of the guards offered him a huge prize, to let him in, on the secret. Young as he was, he took the bait, and confessed,
“Herr, I am taking with me everyday, a new bi-cycle to the East-side.”
Some guarding this!

During my childhood I used to be fascinated, by the only uniformed watchman, we used to have in our town. He used to guard the palatial residence of the “MONEYLENDER” in our society. All the children used to salute him, on the way to school. He was a part of the huge iron gate, as it were. He used to have only the generic name GURKHA. A rare sight.
Today, one sees these uniformed watchmen, swarming all over the town; in residential, commercial and industrial areas. They have become a necessity, in the present lifestyle.
What do they do? Do we check on their competence, general understanding-levels, and antecedents? Why do we require so many of them? Are they having even the basic training in their job?

I must share an instance with you.
On a visit to one of the Air conditioner manufacturing factories, my car was promptly stopped by one of the watchmen at the gate. Very sullenly he asked me the purpose of my visit. He belonged to the category, “until proved otherwise, assume the visitor to be a thief.” No undue courtesies.
Then he produced a register, in which he ordered me to record my name, address, purpose of visit, the person who I wish to see, time etc . He handed me over a visitor’s badge which I was advised to display round my neck, like a necklace. On top of this, he asked me to write my own gate-pass also, and admonished me, to put the number of the badge correctly. He neither checked with the person who I wished to see; nor any enquiries about me etc. I was let in all right.
Then suddenly there was a commotion, whistling all round etc, and a chap came running after my car. I was scared. The watchman pounced on me, as if I were possessing an AK 47 rifle.
“What’s up” I asked.
“You are carrying a camera, inside the factory. You have to keep it at the gate.”
”O K have your way. You could have told this to me earlier”
An unpleasant, episode of a visit.
Similar exercise one has to undergo, while visiting friends socially. You generate all the paperwork and proceed. You ask any one of them the most commonplace questions as to some of the neighbor’s names, address etc. The stock answer will be,
“I am new here.”
Visiting a friend in the evening, to celebrate a full moon day. I asked the watchman, if he knew my friend’s flat number. So many invitees were already there, whom he would have directed to the place anyway
The stock answer,
“Sir, I am new here.” He was courteous for a change.
Out of sheer disgust at his total blissful ignorance, I asked him,
“Do you notice the pie in the sky, Is it the Sun or the Moon?”
“Sir, I am new here.”
Same stock answer he shot at me, sheepishly.
I bet, you ask the most commonsense queries to any of these louts, 99 times out of 100, the same answer, will you get. What purpose do they serve? Ornamental?
The police administration which should be minding the town is not adequate; hence you have to take recourse to such half-baked individuals who serve as scare –crows.
Now let me make you privy, to the writing I had recorded in the register at the A/C factory, I visited.
I had written as follows:
Visitor’s name: KALYA BERAD,(A notorious robber)
Address: Central Jail, Yerawada, presently on parole.
Person to visit: Bill Clinton
Purpose of visit: To rob.
If and when, someone sees the register, he will realize the futility of all the process, of admission so copiously designed, to be cumbersome.
I would like the L.I.B. (Local Intelligence Bureau), police squad to know, in advance, that I was only joking. Otherwise they will be active, on a wrong trail; and wake me up at night.

M.S. RANADE,
mranade@vsnl.com
PUBLISHED IN TIMES PUNE, TWIN TOWN SUPPLEMENT; ON THURSDAY, 10TH AUGUST, 2006